An Open Letter To The Tourists of PEI

Dear Tourist visiting from away,

I love you. I really do. I love that you like to wave to me while riding the Harbour Hippo and I like that we get uncomfortably close because you walk too slow on Queen street. I understand PEI is a tourist destination (and I love that), but also please understand that everything you are doing and asking right now has been done and asked by one million other tourists, and it was probably more exciting when they were a B-List celebrity.

Here is a list of 10 things you will do/say while on PEI, we expect it.

10. Sit With John A MacDonald. Let’s be fair, a majority of us have also taken a photo with Sir John A. amongst our youth (or drunken nights), but tourists take it to the next level. How many ladies have I seen sit on John A’s lap? An uncomfortable amount.

9. Ask where Anne is buried. I don’t know how many dreams I have crushed, trying to use hand gestures to explain to Japanese tourists that Anne isn’t here and at no point actually existed. I have, on a few occasions, sent tourists to Lucy Maud’s grave. I’m not proud of it, but it happened.

8. No I don’t know anything about potatoes and lobsters just because I’m an Islander. But to be fair, I actually do know a lot about potatoes. Don’t stereotype me though.

7. Wonder why there are so many automobiles. I have had a guest ask me why there are so many cars here, since everything is within walk distance. The same guest asked me how long it would take to walk to Tignish, which I promptly answered with “why are you going to Tignish?”

6. No disrespect to Tignish. 

5. Wonder where they can get Lobster. Literally anywhere, practically everyone serves lobster. You can get lobster out of the Superstore parking lot. You can get lobster at McDonalds (my grandmother would like you all to know their McLobster is good AND cheaper than Subway lobster sandwiches)

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4. Wear their bathing suits everywhere because “Life’s a beach on PEI”. Yes, but at the WalMart we generally wear clothes. **I should put a disclaimer, because I have seen a naked man at WalMart once and it was just as impressive as it sounds.**

3. Can you take our picture? How many times have you been walking downtown, when an overly ambitious couple from Texas ask you politely if you can take their photo? I actually love this. One time, though, the photo-shoot took 10 minutes while I watched them try to catch a seagull. That’s a fact.

2. What’s Ca-Lie-Duh? Actually understandable, we’ve all been there.

1. You don’t really SOUND like a Islander. This one gets me. I once asked a guest what she expected me to sounds like. “I expected it to be more uneducated,” she said. This makes sense, because in PEI we don’t have schools – we just work for Ma and Pa on the farm.

** No disrespect to anyone who works on their parents farm.

Sincerely,

Not Anne – just an Islander

You can follow Jenny on Twitter (she thinks she’s hilarious, talking about herself in the third person): @jwool94